If you ever get the chance to see your favourite band live, fucking do it and don’t regret a single thing.
This is like my exact internal dialogue. There should be more people like you in the world ^.^
As some of you guys might know, I studied abroad in London for five months earlier this year. It was by far the best experience of my entire life and I miss the city like crazy every day. I saw more and did more and grew more as a person than I ever have before.
When I got back I expected to have all these stories to tell—to have all these people asking about the things I did. But that didn’t really happen. The first thing people ask me is “did you make friends?” As soon as I say “no,” they tune out. Then I’m left talking to a brick wall or worse—someone who incessantly implores as to why I didn’t make friends. I say a bunch of bullshit to get them off my ass because I can’t tell them the truth and they wouldn’t understand.
When I was there, I had absolutely crippling social anxiety. I was terrified of what people would think when they heard my accent of when they saw my American clothes. So terrified that I would stay in my dorm all the time and never talk to anyone in my flat. I would overthink my outings to the point where I would decide to go out at all. I’m so disappointed that I let this rule my trip because I was determined to not let it do that. But anyone who experiences this knows just how bad it gets. And add to it being in a foreign country with literally no one you know—it amplifies it.
Now when I think back to my trip it’s almost as if it didn’t even happen because everyone I know has judged me for not getting out and not doing a whole lot while I was there. And I don’t like even bringing it up after seeing people’s reactions to me not making any friends. There have been the odd encouraging responses in regards to me doing everything on my own. A few people have said that it must be empowering to do all the things I did on my own and they said they were impressed because it’s a scary thing to do things alone. That makes me feel a little better, but it’s not the majority opinion.
Maybe it’s not the trip. Maybe it’s just me. I’ve never really felt like anyone in my life gives two shits about the things I do and accomplish. I’m not surprised people reacted the way they did at this point. It still makes me upset though because I had this amazing life in what I consider a fantasy world, and it’s basically like that part of my life doesn’t even exist anymore now that I’m back.
Sorry for that but I needed to get what I’m thinking out to an audience. Hope you’re all having a lovely week. I see Fall Out Boy on Friday. Life’s not all bad.